Content notification for depression.
Simply existing often feels like it comes at a price. The world has taken everything until all I’m left with is the word no. You’re sinking. You’re tired and everything is tired. It’s as if your bones won’t work. The world has taken them too. Everything is gray. You can’t stop sinking.
I try very hard not to regret the things I have done. I know it’s impossible to change them. The least I can do for myself in the midst of all this cruelty is accept who I am and do what I can, but calling it a snake won’t remove its fangs. I will always regret the times I’ve hurt the people I love. I’ve been so careless with what few words I have left. It’s a very human thing to do, for better or worse.
By chance I stumbled across a self portrait in Chicory. A fellow messed up person who sunk into despair. We were both too afraid to admit that sometimes our sadness affects much more than just ourselves, and that the way to bring color back into our lives is often through the amends we make and the support we receive from our friends. Chicory’s depression is not just the root of her own suffering, but the inadvertent cause of what all of Picnic Province faces. I take my body back from the world. I take everything back until I can say the word sorry, and the people in my life answer back with a hug that lingers.
You don’t have to be perfect for people to care about you. Chicory and I both know this now. It’s comforting to have the ugliest parts of yourself be seen, and to know that there is a person in there still worth pulling out of the water.