It’s 1997, I’ve just turned 12 and my life is about to change forever. Tomb Raider 2 is out on the PlayStation 1 and Lara Croft, the prone to grunting icon has entered my life for the first time. More than just an excuse not to get any fresh air, the game, and more importantly, the sarcastic, gravity-defying adventurer afforded me a way to escape and feel safe when the real world was unrelentingly cruel to little old queer me.
Holding the PlayStation controller, I became Lara — a strong, independent woman who didn’t give a flying F what anybody thought of her. When Lara had a goal, absolutely nothing and nobody stood in her way, whether it was escaping an Egyptian god or visiting us from the after-life — she was a force to be reckoned with. Immersing myself in Tomb Raider, all the really tough stuff fell away and I was no longer the mute, bullied kid who felt suffocated.
I’ve revisited the Tomb Raider series numerous times over the years, and it’s always the classic games I go back to. That’s the iteration of Lara that saved me. I may not be the sad, queer kid I once was, but Lara is still a big part of my life. She’s my hero, she’s my friend, and I’ll never stop aspiring to be just like her.
Well, maybe not just like her.
Around seven years ago, I became a vegan. Yes, dairy had started to disagree with me in a big way, but more than that, I could no longer stand the thought of contributing to the mass suffering of animals. Whilst I’ve calmed down a lot, I definitely used to be the sort of vegan that carnivores wanted to run down with a truck, then reverse back over just to ‘make sure’. I attended vigils, standing outside slaughterhouses at 5 am, soothing chickens before they met their doom, and ‘silently’ judged you as you ate a piece of brie.
How upsetting can the demise of some polygons be?
In the classic games, Lara Croft was, to put it mildly, a one-woman mass extinction event, which morally should really present a problem for me now. She murdered little monkeys, critically endangered tigers, and a vast assortment of other creatures just because they got in her way.
Am I sacrificing my morals, and soul, when I play classic Tomb Raider? Sitting down with the games now, I certainly feel uncomfortable when Lara takes down a huge bear and it moans pitifully before taking its last breath. I may also insult her when it happens, but mostly, I just feel disconnected from the carnage on screen. Does that make me a bad vegan?
I don’t think so. In a 2023 report for The Guardian, there’s a really interesting look at “morally activated and disengaged” players, the latter justifying their “evil actions” by realizing they’re just playing a game. I definitely associate with that label. It also helps that, back in the late 90s and early 00s, video game graphics depicted less-than-realistic-looking animals in Lara’s journey. How upsetting can the demise of some polygons be?
Though I am a hardcore classic-era devotee, I do like that Lara is more mindful of her environment in the latest games. She seems to have gained a conscience, choosing to harm animals only when she has no other choice. I hope all upcoming releases retain this part of her ‘survivor-era’, whilst also bringing some of the old Lara back – the heroic parts.
Will the remasters — due to be released on February 14, 2024 — tackle Lara’s fondness for murdering animals? Only time will tell how morally ambiguous the future of Tomb Raider will be. As for me, I’m quite content with the idea of sitting in a dark room, fingers numb and bruised on the controller, prepared to shout at the TV while my husband looks on, frightened. Despite our indifferences, the legend of the classic Lara Croft will forever live on in this household.